"Good afternoon Alana" says Mrs Sutherland. "Good afternoon Mrs Sutherland" I reply. Everyone starts to chatter about what they are going to do over the weekend. All I can hear is "wanna have a sleepover?", "I'm going away!" and "I'm just staying home." It's only lunchtime, but I get to go home early! Well actually not home home but my Dad's house... I'm staying there for the weekend. Of all the places I could have gone on a long weekend - WHY my Dads?
"Hey Mum?" I question. "Yeah honey?" my Mothers soft voice echoes round in my mind. "Why do I have to go to my Dad's?""You just do honey, OK?" my Mother lets out a small sigh."OK" i mummer back. I tilted the chair back and slowly drifted off to sleep.
I suddenly wake up and see and trucks bonnet right in front of us, FIFTEEN times our size... I scream ... my Mother started sprinting over to the car. They opened the door and tried to calm me down. "Hey kid" I see my Father standing there covered in oil. "Ready to go?" he questions with a big smile on his face. "Of course Dad" I shout at the top of my lungs. It echoes through the mountains.
Later that night, after Chinese for dinner (which was DELICIOUS!), I was in my room watching telly and realized how boring this was. So I started to clear out all my draws by 11:30pm I had FIVE whole bags of clothes I either didn't fit or didn't want.
"Wake up, hurry,WE'LL BE LATE!!!!!" I scream while running round the house with only one boot on. We were going to be late for soccer if we didn't hurry. We finally got to the grounds and couldn't find our field. After 20 minutes of searching we discovered the right field and started the game. We lost 5/0 to Ice Angels. Ugh!!!
That night we had Roast Pork with Roast Veges, Gravy and Apple Sauce! It was so yummy a great end to an awful day.
Alana, I like your piece of writing. You have added lots of ideas that draw in the reader to keep on reading. You added lots of complex punctuation throughout your writing, and most of it was in the correct places. I did find a few mistakes, (like capital letters and spaces in-between words. I think its a good idea to read over your writing a few times. In summary I think this is a great, attention-seeking piece of writing to read.
ReplyDeleteJaymeson.
Alana, I really like this piece because you have used some good complex punctuation (which is what you are working on) You had a few mistakes like capital letters and spelling but overall it was really good. you used good structure to group you ideas into relevant paragraphs but you need to remember to structure your sentences correctly. But other than that it was really good! Well Done!
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