The Queens Birthday
On Monday the 2nd of June, it was the Queens birthday… But for us, young children it was an extension to our weekend!
I, Jaymeson, woke up on Monday at Eight o’clock in the morning; I could hear the birds tweeting!
I jumped up, and put on my old wintry clothes, and walked to get my breakfast with my brother, Ethynn.
After breakfast, (Which was Marmite on toast!); My mum woke up and asked me if I could do some work for her! (My mum is opening a shop in Clevedon Village on Sunday 8th June) So… half of the day was occupied with chores for my Mum!
Half of my day dragged so slowly… but eventually I had finished!
At Three O’clock (After lunch) I went and practiced my guitar because I have a guitar competition on Friday the 13th of June!
At round about Four O’clock I was sick of being stuck inside so I decided to play rugby outside…
After my run outside I hopped onto the couch in our living-room, fatigued and started to play on my I-pad.
The sun went from light to dark in what felt just a few minutes! It was six and time for tea…
The day for me went slow to quick and surprisingly was quite relaxing! (DEFINITELY not what would happen on a normal weekend!)
I hopped into bed and read until Eight o’clock and fell right asleep.
Jaymeson, this is a good piece 0f writing. Y0u have added some good punctuation, but I think you ideas could have been slightly more exciting. Also your paragraphs are really short. From George
ReplyDeleteI agree George, I think longer paragraphs with more detail would have been more interesting to read (otherwise it could be a list of what you did). However, some good vocabulary was used and I like that you are experimenting with your punctuation. Good one boys! Mrs S!
ReplyDeleteJaymeson, this is a good piece of writing your ideas flowed and you added some complex punctuation which was nice to see. I have to say though some longer paragraphs and a bit more detail it would have been perfect. Great structure. Well done!
ReplyDeleteJaymeson,i think your sentence structure with your paragraphs could of been longer. But your ideas and your vocabulary are spectacular. Well done boy!!
ReplyDelete