On the Queens birthday... My Grandpas Brother and my Grandma died. I was really sad on Monday because I knew them so well, I will miss them lots.
On the bright side we went out to Takanini. We saw Grant (my uncle). We organised lunch at the Sugar Loaf . He got us flowers. we then got a new game at the Warehouse! After that we went home and played the new game.Then my uncle Bruce came over for the last shoot of the season. First we went to our pond. We came up really close to our fence and slowly walked towards the pond . Then we shot up! About 50 ducks flew out but they all flew out of range.
We then walked over to our river, we stayed there for awhile, two ducks flew right over us but we weren't ready so they flew over. Then we walked over to home and cleaned the guns to they were spotless.We had a sad and thrilling time this weekend. But can't wait for the next Queens birthday.
Ethan I think that your organisation and sentence structure needs to be set out a bit better (like with your paragraphs) and it could have been a bit longer but your vocabulary was very good. From Josh
ReplyDeleteEthan, I think that it was great that you used complex punctuation as that's what you are working on at the moment. But you could have worked on separating your new ideas into paragraphs and making the piece flow better. Other than that a great piece. Well done!
ReplyDeleteEthan, I like how you added lots of punctuation. Eg, Full stops and exclamation marks. You need to add more paragraphs to make the piece of writing flow better. Right now you are using no paragraphs and too many full stops. I think you need to add more commas instead of full stops because you are using a full stop when the idea/thought can be carried on. Overall I think that this is a great piece to read.
ReplyDeleteJaymeson.
Ethan, I really liked that you used some complex punctuation and that most of it was in the right place. The main thing that you need to work on is organizing you ideas into correct paragraphs and remembering to put your words in the right places.Overall a good piece!
ReplyDelete