My Queens birthday weekend
On Monday the second of June i was at home with Dad; after Kim and Mum had left to take Kim to a three year old party where she was dressed up as a face painting fairy, I watched ‘The Hunger Games’ it was quite exhilarating and sick, because kids had to fight to the death ton survive.
Soon I was bored again, technically I wasn't banned from my dirt bike so I asked Dad whether or not I was allowed to ride he said “yes but do it before Mum gets back otherwise we will both get in trouble”. So I ran up to my room to put my gear on in five minutes I was out riding in the paddock with the jump I can do a few tricks like no-hander and no-footer.
on one of the jumps I landed wrong and felt pins and needles up my vertebrae for five minutes. After that I decided to change paddocks to the fast paddock, which has one hill and a drop off into a hole that comes back up the other side. As I dropped into the hole there was suddenly a crack and a snap as I ran over a dead rabbit YUCK!
I came in after that because I still had the shivers from running over the rabbit. Just as well because just as I walked in Mum came up the driveway. I was safe from her now but she still looked suspiciously at the blood on my tires from the rabbit.
By George
I think that you have done well in your ideas for your piece of writing. You have added some complex punctuation eg. Semicolons. But some of the punctuation that you used weren't in the correct places or could of been a different bit of punctuation that would fit better than what you'd used. You made a few mistakes with spelling and capital letters, this is caused because you didn't proof read your writing.
ReplyDeleteOverall I think that this was a nice, well structured piece to read. But do try and proof read your writing.
This was a very thoughtful comment Jaymeson and I hope that George has taken your comments on board. It would be an interesting exercise to see if George could play the game.......spot the mistake! How many mistakes were there? (I counted 6). However, I really enjoyed reading your recount George as you have used some interesting vocabulary and I enjoyed your sense of fun you have created. Well done boys!! Mrs S!
ReplyDeleteGeorge, don't forget to put in capital letters and proofread 2-3 times. Your ideas flowed and your sentence structure was great. Other than that a great piece. Well done!
ReplyDeleteGeorge, once again I think you need to proof read your work. But your ideas were good, they were related to the topic, but your next steps would be to make all your ideas complex and elaborated. Well done!
ReplyDelete