Influences on my life.
There has been heaps of (many and many) influences in my life that have made me the person I have become, some of which are my family.
My family (especially my Mum and Dad) have influenced me in many, many ways.
They have taught me to use my resources wisely and well (including my belongings), treat others how I would like to be treated, treat them with respect and much, much more.
My family has influenced me to work hard to reach a goal, have good behaviour and a load more.
One of my main points that has influenced me LOTS is school and the teachers.
School is one of the places that I am at the most. Six hours for five days a week is quite long. If you add that all up it is 30 hours every week.
School has influenced me to do lots of things, like: show the PRIDE values.
The teachers in school have been a big influence over my 8.15 years. They have influenced me to have a good attitude even when things are hard and also to learn from your mistakes.
Overall, Clevedon school and my teachers have influenced me to try and be a good student.
Another influence is money. Or more specifically the influence is that money is not a important as you and your surroundings. Friends and family are more important than money (or things). When i have a little money it is nice but it goes so quickly! That has influenced me to use it wisely as we have a limited amount.
Finally the environment has influenced me. I love big open spaces and nature. I have spent time in the city and it is fun but the countryside is fresher and more spacious. It allows me to dream, to think and to feel free.
Over all, all these things have influenced me and shaped me to be who I am today.
Jaymeson.
My family has influenced me to work hard to reach a goal, have good behaviour and a load more.
One of my main points that has influenced me LOTS is school and the teachers.
School is one of the places that I am at the most. Six hours for five days a week is quite long. If you add that all up it is 30 hours every week.
School has influenced me to do lots of things, like: show the PRIDE values.
The teachers in school have been a big influence over my 8.15 years. They have influenced me to have a good attitude even when things are hard and also to learn from your mistakes.
Overall, Clevedon school and my teachers have influenced me to try and be a good student.
Another influence is money. Or more specifically the influence is that money is not a important as you and your surroundings. Friends and family are more important than money (or things). When i have a little money it is nice but it goes so quickly! That has influenced me to use it wisely as we have a limited amount.
Finally the environment has influenced me. I love big open spaces and nature. I have spent time in the city and it is fun but the countryside is fresher and more spacious. It allows me to dream, to think and to feel free.
Over all, all these things have influenced me and shaped me to be who I am today.
Jaymeson.
I like your organisation and sentence structure, the paragraphs are set out nicely and the different ideas are separated well. I think you could work on punctuation and capital letters, I also think that you could add some more interesting vocabulary.
ReplyDeleteI think that this is a very interesting piece of writing, so great work.
I like how you used a suitable amount of punctuation, that has really bought out the piece of writing very well. Your use of vocabulary has meet the rubric standards and your writing is very well put.Although you could have worked more on sentence structure.
ReplyDeleteWell done!!!