My holiday.
I stepped out of the hot searing car to see the vast ocean
before me. The salty air buffets my face softly, I walked to the boot of the
car and pick up the picnic blanket I turn to go down the grassy ramp to the
slopped steppes I traveled down the mud covered steps I stepped on to the beach
the sand was a blanket under my feet. The sun Shone down and the heat washed
over me.
I walk over to the sea the cold water laps my feat I travel
along the sea edge until I see a cave to escape the heat in I plod up to it and
slump down on the cold wet pebbles. I wait for the others to catch up to me. I
see that the cave is chipped and chunks broken off leaving sharp jiggered edges.
The others arrive and we eat I venture further along the beach
until I arrive at the a small rock with quartz veins all over it there are no
stones to dig it up with so I rake my hands over the sand slowly and pain fully
I dig up the rock I find the bolder is from my hand to my elbow thick and an arm’s
length long I see two fractures in the stone from the top to the bottom
I travel along the beach I find two large stones on the beach
I carry both of the large stones to the bolder I wait for my arm’s to rejuvenate
there energy I then lift the large stone above my head I bring it down on to
the other stone it breaks down the crack I do the same to the other stone down
on it as well I lob it up the steppes to the car and leave.
I think that this is an interesting piece of writing, but i think that you could work on punctuation and sentence structure, but over all, the vocabulary and organisation made up for it. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI like your piece of writing. I love the way you used your adjectives and discribing words! I think you need to proof read you writing before you go straight to publishing. I saw a few silly mistakes in your spelling that could get edited. I do think that you could of used you puntuatinon more such as commas and exclamation marks.
ReplyDeleteOverall congratulations Chris on you effort and detemination as this has become a lovely story to read.
Jaymeson